WHAT IS LOW SELF-ESTEEM?
Having low self-esteem means not thinking much of yourself as a person, or not holding yourself in high regard. It refers to the overall core beliefs and opinions we have about ourselves, and the value we place on ourselves as people. Core beliefs are ideas we develop about ourselves, the world and other people when we are children.
These beliefs can be so entrenched in our way of thinking we may not question their truth until adulthood when we realise that life may not be going as we want. If you suffer from low self-esteem you will likely have developed negative core beliefs leading to a negative mindset.
You may lack confidence in your abilities or feel capable of accomplishing everyday tasks which others appear to do with ease. You may feel incompetent, unloved, or inadequate. Those struggling with low self-esteem are consistently afraid of making mistakes or letting other people down.
Some of the negative core beliefs those with self-esteem may hold are: “I always try hard but never get ahead,” others will let me down,” the world is a dangerous place,” or “I don’t deserve love like other people.”
HOW DOES LOW SELF-ESTEEM DEVELOP?
Low-self esteem can be triggered by the experiences we have as an adult, generally, because these experiences build on the core beliefs we have held about ourselves since childhood. This is why two people can experience the same trauma, but one may suffer a diminished sense of self while the other will recover quickly.
An individual will have a unique set of life experiences that lead to having low self-esteem but, in general, one or a combination of the following may set the groundwork for, or trigger, low self-esteem:
- Critical caregivers – including parents, guardians, teachers – who were excessively critical or demanding of you.
- Abuse is a child or adult; including mental, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.
- Traumatic life experiences such as major illness, loss of a loved one, or adoption.
- Demanding environments, such as school or the workplace, that cause you high levels of stress.
- Unhealthy relationships – romantic or platonic – that involve being controlled, manipulated, belittled, and/or lied to.
- Bullying, discrimination, or any other form of stigmatisation.
- Comparing ourselves negatively to others excessively and often, including comparing ourselves to people we see on social media.
- A lack of social support can leave us feeling lonely.
- Underlying temperament, meaning you are prone to emotional sensitivity.
- Depression or excessive low mood.
- Individuals with certain mental disorders are prone to low self-esteem, including those with anxiety disorders, borderline personality disorder, and avoidant personality disorder
SIGNS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Signs of low self-esteem include:
- saying negative things and being critical about yourself.
- focusing on your negatives and ignoring your achievements.
- thinking other people are better than you.
- not accepting compliments.
- feeling sad, depressed, ashamed or angry.
- not feeling able to trust others or yourself
- lack of communication skills, with being passive or passive-aggressive
- constant feelings of anxiety, hyper-vigilance or stress
- perfectionist tendencies Fear of taking risks leading to procrastination
Low self-esteem is also linked to other problems or a consequence of them such as:
- Relationship difficulties
- Financial problems
- Severe stress or anxiety
- Chronic illness
- Debilitating worry or panic
- Depression or low mood when viewed as weakness or feelings of inadequacy.
These problems tend to further undermine an individual’s confidence, reducing self-esteem.
HOW CAN YOU BUILD SELF-ESTEEM?
1. tHINK ABOUT ALL THE THINGS YOU EXCEL IN
Think about all the things you excel in or are good at. Complete this exercise for both work and personal life. These are your strengths. It’s not always easy to identify them as you may not recognise some of these as skills or strengths, you take them for granted.
They often get dismissed as nothing, you can do these things so undervalue them. It can be helpful to ask a friend about your strengths and a work colleague about your work-related strengths and skills. When I ask clients to do this I usually ask them to write down each task or action they do and try to identify what skills are involved in completing the task. People are often surprised by the number of skills and strengths they possess.
2. BE CAREFUL WHO YOU COMPARE YOURSELF WITH
Be careful who you compare yourself with. Ask yourself, how long they have been in the job, what experiences they have and their age? All these factors have a bearing on their performance and success in life. You can't let others be the standard when it comes to how you feel about yourself
3. tHERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE WHO APPEARS BETTER THAN YOU
There will always be someone who appears better than you, who appears more capable and self-confident. Stay away from social media, researchers have found that people who frequently check social media are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem. Remind yourself that people usually only share the best parts of their life online.
Your own life should be the yardstick rather than others’ lives because what is your best may not be someone else’s, and vice versa.
4.PRACTICE SELF CARE
Practice self-care. It may sound obvious but eating healthy food, cutting down on alcohol and caffeine and exercising regularly can have a positive effect on the way you feel about yourself. Getting the right amount of sleep cannot be underestimated and practising self-care will help with this.
5.vALUE YOUR HEALTH
The more you demonstrate that you value your health, the more you develop a capacity for loving other parts of yourself. Listen to your body and avoid foods that make you feel irritable or tired. Eating healthy and exercising also can increase positive thinking and help you feel more encouraged about your future.
If you spend time with people who care about you, you may find that suddenly it’s easier for you to care for yourself.
HOW CAN WE HELP?
I can help you identify and address the beliefs and negative automatic thoughts you have about yourself that are holding you back. This will help you move out of your comfort zone, enabling you to develop a more healthy mindset.
I can help you identify your strengths and skills and help you build on these.
